so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
