I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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