This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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