This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
