After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is my gift to your gina
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
