just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
