What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
