I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
