so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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