I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
