highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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