it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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