I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
