I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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