It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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