I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They took my balls.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
