he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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