i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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