youre lurking in front of me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
