Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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