this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
