he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
