Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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