She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
