Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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