one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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