the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
