Don't make out with my wife yet
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
