On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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