go do what you do best...puke behind churches
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I AM VODKA MAN
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
