you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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