Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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