What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
tell me about the fingering
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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