grandma shit on top of the toilet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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