I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
