Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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