dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
