It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
