guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
