Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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