he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
