and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
