It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
