Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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