Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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