And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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