dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
