My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sobbing to NWA
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
