I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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