You're completely useless in the revolution.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
