I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
