yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
