I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
