life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
