At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
