he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
