Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
