My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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