Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
