i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize