I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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