I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
