You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
