It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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