I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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