i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so much tequila, so little girl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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