That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
