We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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