last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize